Not in the Mood Tonight…
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- Created on Wednesday, 16 November 2011 18:20
- Written by Daphna
Sexual abuse in marriage or live in relationship can be very difficult to live with. It is also a generational thing. Back when my grandma was alive it was “expected” of her to satisfy her husband. If there was a divorce, it must have been the woman’s fault because she didn’t satisfy her husband.
I was in at a seminar a while back for domestic violence and after talking about rape and generational “responsibility to the man”. One of the women pulled me aside and said, “I just realized that my ex-husband used to rape me. I didn’t know.” She said that after she had had her kids, she went through a time where she didn’t want to have sex. He apparently was a very abusive alcoholic and she would tell him that she didn’t want to have sex and he would beg till she did. She said it was easier to just do it so he would shut up and pass out.
This is a very typical story for many women even today.
Things are shifting however and it’s not just about women anymore it’s also about many different kinds of relationships. It’s not just heterosexual relationships anymore that we hear about but also same sex, or transgender, polygamous, open relationships, and so on and so on. Relationships can be difficult in any of the aforementioned.
What we are here to talk about is sexual abuse which like many other things can manifest in many different ways. You can either be forced/quilted into having sex with your partner or with other people. Your partner can also be withholding sex from you as a form of punishment or control.
One of the things that we forget even when living in a life without violence is that we should never be forced to do anything we don’t want to do or punished for something that we do want to do. When living with domestic violence everything is amplified and because we are in the survival mode it’s even easier to forget.
There are lots of support groups and counselors that specialize in sexual abuse. If you are in a sexually abusive relationship please reach out and get help. You are not alone.
If you know someone who is in a sexually abusive relationship, please be patient with them and try to learn as much as you can on how you can support your friend/family member. Education is key in helping your loved ones.
