It’s a Chain, Chain, Chain
- Details
- Created on Tuesday, 17 January 2012 18:32
- Written by Daphna
One of the things that people don’t get is that domestic violence is a chain. It passes down from generation to generation. When a child grows up seeing a parent hurt, talked down to, humiliated or manipulated they will copy our behaviors. Domestic violence is not genetic. It is learned and it can manifest in many different ways.
A child might become submissive or obedient towards the opposite sex because that’s what they saw a parent do. Or on the flip side they might become the perpetrator and copy the abusive side of what they saw.
Even if you believe with all your heart that you are “keeping” the abuse away from your child, you really aren’t. They are much more observant than you would think. They feel tension, they hear the noise or whisper, and they see and hear the threats. The problem with the younger ones is that they might not understand what is happening or why.
Talking about what’s happening in the house hold is very important. Acknowledge what’s happening and listen to how they feel and what they think is going on. Let them know you understand how scary and hard this for them, that you love them and that it isn’t their fault. Also let them know that violence is not acceptable behavior.
Some children will act out their frustration of their situation doing several things. They might regress to a younger self and start bedwetting or sucking their thumbs. They may try to take care of others taking on the parent role. Over achieve in school or under achieve, depending on how they view the abuse. They may show out of control behavior or do things to attract attention.
Some of you might read this and go, “that could be any kid!” and it can be. Look for multiple signs of what your child or your friend/family member’s kids are doing and evaluate each situation individually.
Within this site you will see pieces of information that will help if you have children or know of a child living in a domestic violent situation and want to help.
Remember it’s a chain but a chain can always be broken.
